College Applications

I just completed my 3rd or 4th college application for this year. I feel good about this one, but all my old fears are coming back, what if I'm not good enough for this school? What if I go, and I hate it? What if I can't afford the school?

At this point, I can't really afford to be choosy, because if this school does not work out, then I am stuck going to school instate. I don't want to be in my home state any longer. Ever since I graduated last Saturday, I have had a confirmation of feelings that I have had since I was little, after graduating high school, I am done with this state. That is the only thing about my future that is sure, I need a change of environment. 

That moment of clarity is so important to me, it is what is driving me to search and keep searching until I find that college that is right for me. I only wish that there was a website that could just direct you to the perfect college, but this is the real world. If I want something, I have to go out there and take it for myself and stop hoping that people will take it for me.
Is there really such thing as the perfect college? Or is that just another one of those fairy tales that are told to us when we were younger to make sure that we kept in line?

    ** Future Unsure **

Amazed

I just watched Perks of Being a Wallflower for the first time, and it blew me away. Even though Charlie is only a freshman, he and I both share the same dream of becoming a writer. I know that Charlie is a character in a movie, I can still respect where the character is coming from, and this movie only inspires me to work harder to achieve my goal of making it to the big screen, whether as the person who wrote it or as the person starring in it.
That is all, good night.
   ** Future Unsure **

Also, who can hate on a movie that adds in Rocky Horror Picture Show just because?

Summer of Changes

This is my last summer. My last summer as just some kid with no big responsibilities. I mean, I have a job, but at this time next year, I will have completed my first year of college. There is a problem, though, I haven't decided on a college yet.
There are no classes in high school to prepare us for this moment, this big leap into the dismal abyss that is our future. Right now, I feel like I am looking down over this gigantic cliff with no bottom, only clouds of smoke blocking my view. I been feeling this for the past few months, but for some remarkable reason, I still haven't been able to pick a college to attend!
So, that is how I ended up here, more or less. My summer started May 3rd because Seniors get out of school early, and so this is my first week as a high school graduate. I have gone through a lot of thinking (and graduation cake) to get to right now, sitting at my laptop in the dark writing a blog.
I have no idea what I am doing because I only have ever read one blog, and it was written by some parents acting from the perspective of their sick baby girl. I heard about it on the news, but for the life of me, I can't think of what the blog was called. So, who knows if anyone will really read this or if this will just be me talking to myself via the internet.
       ** FutureUnsure **